My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
