nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
