we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
