i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
