..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
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