I wanna passion pit in your ass
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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