I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I enjoy the company of your penis
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
