It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
