you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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