Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
