you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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