I met the friendliest cop last night
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
