Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
