I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
