I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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