Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize