Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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