she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
