I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
