So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
