I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
