your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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