hell yes lets make some ravioli
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
