i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize