Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i've created a new STD.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
