Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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