I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
