i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
