Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude. I can hear the air.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
