I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
