FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My ass is underappreciated
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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