How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
