I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
