Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
