fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
