this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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