She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Sext me about skeletons
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
