You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
