he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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