Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It's blow job season.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
