Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
