I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
