Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
