i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
