Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
