I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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