smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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