I love black thongs
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
