I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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