if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
