It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
