well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
