the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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