Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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