I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
you made out with another girl for some wings
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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