oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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