We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
