Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
