How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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