he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
