I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
