he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
