well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
