Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Found your dick twin last night
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
