just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
