I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You are a genius and a whore.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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