youre lurking in front of me
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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