dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize